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A Jericho Fan Fiction Archive
LOL - looks like Heather really is a lipgloss-addict! ;)
Ah, and that is how Baron came into their lives... ;)
Wow... just think of how Eric got April the house as a gift! Jeeez!
Time for a bit lovin in post-nuke-USA... goooood!
Wow, interesting... I'm really intrigued how your story will work out for New Bern! I have to say the thing with the Warehouse and Mindy sounds actually like a good system, and Constantino helping that girl with the baby... o.O
Seems to be a nicer Contantino, at least for now... well, I guess we will have to wait and see what the future will bring, and if Constantino seeks revenge for Ravenwood and is lured by the goods he thinks Jericho still owns... ;)
Awwwwwwww…. Poor Jake is sick…. Heather for the rescue! :)
And as for Dale and Skylar… I always found it cute that this pair found together! But I always was wondering why they were so left alone in all of this… maybe in your story they will get more advice? ;)
"Better them than us." You know, when I first watched the show I so could have smacked Gray for saying that! Little did I know how it would turn out in the end, what bad would happen because Jericho was able to get rid of Ravenwood... :(
That sentence still makes me shiver...
The whole "more than one" president thing made my hairs stand again... *goosebumps* - like it did, when I saw the ep... it is just horrible that above all of that Sh** they have to realize that a Civil War is looming - just because there are more than one who demand the power... :(
Jake is just cute, I loved all the little stories of stealing at Gracie's and how he tried to be grumpy with Eric and April.... *laughs*
Must have been a great show! And wow… there are so many meanings for the colours of roses… *snickers*
Black Jack is evil… I personally still think they just touched the top of all the rotting things going on there…:(
Again: a very sweet convo between Heather and Gail - and I so can see this one (sort of) happen! :)
LOL - E.J.'s "Vice and Virtue Squad" - that's so brilliant! Love it! :)
Mindy! The waitress! Wow, what a surprise!
That seemed to be a helluva kiss on that porch, I swear! ;)
I like that you put Mindy in that New Bern part of the story - and put her with Ted! Very good idea!
LOL, that talk about Star Wars was hilarious! Loved it! :)
I'm - of course *g* - so glad that they made up...
Still strange that Heather will not be with them in Black Jack, but for the benefit of your wonderful story... and it makes - of course - sense... ;)
"I love you," he murmured a beat later. "And you," he added, his hands splayed across Heather's abdomen and the swell of their baby nestled within her. Jake kissed her then, his hands coming up to cup her face. The kiss started off slowly, lazily, but then grew more urgent. Jake dropped his hands, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Their kiss deepened as they both poured all of their love, all of their affection, all of their trust, and also, all of their fear into one another.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... *sniffs silently, brushing a tear away*
:)
Oh my... that story with the baby... that's so horrible... :(
But that is what I really think would / could happen... *sigh* *hangs head*
"But now, it sounds like he's pretty much reverted to ogre Jake, happily biting off the head of anyone who makes the unforgiveable mistake of saying hello."
*laughs at that* Oh yeah, I bet this would be his reaction!
""But you do know that you can un-break up, right?"" Awwwwww, that's so sweet to name it like that... ;)
" "What those Green boys do to us. I think I can officially welcome you to the 'It Ain't Easy Bein' Green' club."
LOL, oh yeah... ;)
Oh my... is Emily serious this time? But I really can't see her getting friendly with Heather in this one... *shakes head*
"Did you ask Mom?" Jake inquired finally.
"Son," Johnston replied, a hint of a drawl once again coloring his tone, "I'm fifty-nine years old. I was mayor of this town since the Carter administration. I'm a retired U.S. Army Ranger and a combat veteran. Of course I asked your mother."
"Okay," Jake agreed, not quite able to repress a knowing smirk. "I guess you're goin'."
LOL - I so LOVE this little conversation... it is one of my favorite scenes in Jericho! :)
I thought this was a great ending to the DC version of Black Jack.
I enjoyed reading about Jake's and Mikey's return from Black Jack. The moments that Mikey, Jake and Heather shared seemed so real that it's easy to imagine just that happening in real life. I really like how close Heather and Mikey are.
Quote
"Thanks, Mike," Jake said next, standing to offer his brother-in-law his hand. They shook, grasping each other's hands tightly, their suddenly serious tones confusing Heather for a moment. "Thanks," he repeated.
"No problem, man," Michael shrugged, clapping Jake's upper arm. "Night," he added before glancing at Heather. "Night, sis."
I liked this moment between Jake and Mikey and the confusion it created for Heather. I think Mike and Jake's experience at Black Jack and their silent agreement to keep the details from Heather is a another bond that will draw them closer together.
I laughed when I read how Ted was fixing his truck, doing everything that Heather wouldn't, and is disinterest in her suggestions. Of course I loved how Jake quickly came to Heather's defense by calling Ted an idiot for not listening to her. I also liked Heather's hesitancy in sending Jake the email to tell him about Ted and Mindy because she wanted to say just the right thing to break it to him gently. The Greens really have an extended family and Mindy is a part of it.
I enjoyed the conversation about corn dogs and Jake telling B.G. to ‘Take it easy on your Mom' and the asking B.G. ‘How do you even know what the corn dog taste likes?' while looking at Heather for her reaction. I also liked how you included the description of the abandoned and vandalized Sonic that they saw on the highway, as well as other places of business. Mike's comment that what they saw was typically after Johnston said something about it made me think just how sheltered Jericho is and how in some ways the people of the town fortunate are to live there more or less protected from what's going on in the world. I have to say that I really like the detail about the chapstick and how what once was such a small thing is not a luxury.
I liked the reassurance that Jake tried to give to Heather while she read the news, especially his explanation on how Jericho missed out on the first food drop. I also like how Jake tried to cheer her up with more talk of corn dogs and bratwurst.
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Jake closed his eyes for a moment, all thoughts of being amused by her admission gone. There weren't many things he counted on in the world - especially not now - but in addition to and as equally important as their love for and trust in one another, Jake relied on Heather's steadfast faith. She, more than anyone he knew, believed that in the end things would be okay and he depended on that - on her - to keep going himself.
I especially liked how this summed up all that Jake feels for Heather.
I just loved the Christmas Eve scene! The part with all the Greens sitting around the dinner table when Heather called and Jake holding out the phone so they could all tell her Merry Christmas was something that could have happened in any family. I really liked how real it was.
I just love Baron! He sounds so cute! I am so happy that you included him in your story! I just loved how Heather put a red bandana with a sprig of mistletoe tied around Baron's neck when she gave him to him. I liked Jake's quick reassurance when Heather questioned whether or not the puppy was a good idea.
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"So, you're The Red Baron, huh?" he'd chuckled, exhaling a wheezing breath. The puppy had sniffed Jake's fingers and then had started to lick them, eliciting another laugh from Jake. "Good boy, good dog," he'd praised, stroking the animal's head as he'd looked up at Heather, asking, "He is a boy, right? I mean, a girl would be fine, but I wanna make sure I'm callin' him the right thing," Jake had explained.
I just loved the image that this created in my mind. I can just tell what Baron will come to mean to Jake (and to Heather) reading it.
I really like Heather's other gifts to Jake - the framed photographs of the same pictures he kept on his dresser from their trip to Wyoming and the key to her house - even it was just to water her plants when she was away. I loved Heather's reaction to the diamond earrings that Jake gave her and loved Jake's reaction as he watched in the powder room as she admired how the earrings looked on her.
I liked the conversation between Jake and Kerry and was glad to hear ‘Cowboy Jake' again. Kerry's talk of Heather's brother's reaction to the earrings was really amusing and a nice reminder of just how close the Lisinski's are. The story about Woody in the Christmas pageant was really cute and I like how you had Jake playing with Baron while he was telling the story to Heather.
Eric really loved April at one time and I like how you remind us of this in your ‘5 years ago'scenes. I have to say I was impressed by his choice of a gift. I just love April's reaction to her gift and how Jake had to ‘rescue' the key that April dropped before Baron got a hold of it. I really like the detail on their visit to the house and can just picture April and Gail going arm in arm from room to room discussing paint colors and window treatments. I also liked the lengths that Eric went to get the house - giving bonuses to the real estate agent and the sellers and laughed at the picture I had of Eric faxing in a counteroffer to the bid him and April had but in hours earlier.
I just loved the last scene where Heather and Jake listened to the baby's heartbeat especially how Jake's worry about how fast B.G.'s heartbeat was, until Heather told him it was normal, to his amazement at listening to it to the goofiest grin Heather had ever seen on his face. I also enjoyed the conversation about names and Heather's desire to have a boy's name with the initials of E and J so they could call hi EJ.
Another great chapter, Marzee. I think you've done a great job in writing Heather and Jake and showing us just how far they have come in their relationship through the experiences they've shared since they first meant.
Thanks for the review, Skyrose!
I'm glad you enjoyed this closing chapter of the DC version of Black Jack. I really appreciate your comments on how "real" the relationship between Jake and Mikey is. I try not to write my original characters too much, but it's hard to resist with Mikey. He's the little brother I always wanted. :-) I'm also glad you like my Jake and Heather as they sort of debrief after such an eventful day.
Christmas Eve was fun to write. I especially liked writing about Eric and April back when they liked each other, and about Baron and how he's fitting into the Green family. I couldn't resist bringing Cowboy Jake back up.... I don't think it's the last we'll hear of him either!
What a satisfying chapter, Marzee! I absolutely loved it!
Favorite parts:
- the return of Cowboy Jake
- Heather "warming" Jake up
- listening to the baby's heartbeat and how much that meant to Jake
- the easy rapport between Heather and Jake; their chemistry is just amazing
- the discussion of baby names
- the gift of the Red Baron (awww...I have a soft spot for puppies)
Thanks, Sandra! I do aim to please, so I'm glad you enjoyed the wrap-up of such an eventful day.
I think you identified all my favorite parts in writing this part. Looking over your list, I'm getting all kinds of ideas for DC going forward, so that's a good thing too. :-D Certainly, we haven't seen the last of Cowboy Jake or The Red Baron. Heather may even get to warm Jake up again sometime soon!
Excellent work, as always, Marzee!
I think this was a great way to wrap up the 'Black Jack' part of the Different Circumstances story, with these quiet, intimate scenes between Jake, Heather, and some of their family members.
With the opening exchange between Jake, Heather, (and Mikey) you've written another one of those still moments that just seem so real, like something that might happen in someone's life. As always, I loved Mikey's part in this scene- the closeness he has with his sister, the serious side he shows when dealing with family and friends, but also the good natured humour he's perfected when dealing with these awkward moments with his older siblings (I'm reminded again of the glimpse we saw of younger Mikey sitting on the floor amidst siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews.)
I liked the way you wrote the conversation between Jake and Heather, covering a whole range from joking to get through the tough times, to coming to terms with the news Jake brings home with him, to the cute, comfortable intimacy between them. I laughed at Jake's reaction to Ted. I hadn't quite expected him to get such a strong impression of Mindy's new boyfriend, and it was an interesting irony, Jake complaining about him to Heather. I guess it's just because Mindy is 'family'. BG sure is lucky to have so many honorary aunts and uncles. I was glad Heather and Jake both came to terms with Dale's mistake, realizing they couldn't possibly have left him behind. (Not when they remember him sliding down the stairs on a sleeping bag, or dressing up for their wedding!) I also liked the detail of the chapstick. I'm with Heather, something like that could be a real luxury and so I imagine it could really be a bright spot at the end of a difficult day.
I loved the Christmas Eve scene! All the details were great, from Heather's sister-in-law introducing herself to Jake, to Jake and Heather comparing notes on when to open presents, to all the gifts. I have to say, I am rather impressed by Eric's gift. As every time I read about happy times in April and Eric's past, I feel that this is a little bittersweet, especially remembering how this dream house will one day burn down. Poor April, especially, but I still liked reading of her excitement as she ran from room to room, and Eric's obvious pride that he had pulled off the surprise. I just loved the image of Eric faxing counter-offers at three in the morning.
I also just loved the little story about Woody's role in the Christmas pageant. I don't know which I found more endearing- Jimmy and his family playing the holy family, or Woody's improvising. I hope we get to hear a bit more about Christmas in DC, whether in the past or post-bombs.
I have to mention now how I like the new original character addition to the Green family this chapter. The Red Baron is adorable! (and makes me think of Snoopy!) I haven't gone back yet to read of his appearance in other chapters, but I hope to soon. It'll be fun to read more about Jake adapting to being a new 'dad' to this puppy in future installments. Jake's gift choices for Heather were impressive too. I laughed so hard to hear of the Lisinski boys' new grudge against the 'cowboy'.
The final scene with a more mature Jake and Heather listening to their baby's heartbeat was sweet and such a contrast to that long ago Christmas. I liked hearing about all of Heather's name choices- Ebeneezer (or Eben) is just too funny. Once again, we see in this quiet moment between them just how far they've come, and how much they've been through together by now.
Great chapter, great ending to the DC version of one of my favourite episodes, and I'm especially looking forward to the next part, as 'Heart of Winter' is my other favourite!
Thanks for your review, Penny. It is much appreciated, even if it did take me six weeks to respond. Sorry about that!
I know you're a Mikey fan, so I'm glad you enjoyed his scene with Jake and Heather. I really feel for poor Mikey, who has lost so much and in some ways is much more experienced than almost anyone else in Jericho. He had the danger of turning into Gray, trying to protect the specialness right out of Jericho, now his adopted home. But he's still -- always -- Heather's beloved little brother which can be tough too, as he tries to protect her and his niece or nephew, perhaps the only members of his original family that he has left.
As for Jake and Heather on their own, I must say that it was comforting to me to give them the opportunity to connect with one another, to discuss the weighty issues of the day and just support one another in the difficult situation they've found themselves in. I jut can't help but think that having that one person you love more than life itself with whom to share your fears and hopes for the future would go a long way toward sustaining you in the world after the end of the world. Hoperfully, I've managed to express that.
The Christmas Eve scene was fun to write, especially about the purchase of April's dream house, so thanks for commenting on one of my favorite parts. I enjoyed showing the lengths that Eric would go to secure it for her, and as a surprise. I defintiely think Eric has BIG issues in the relationship department, but I also think he's quite capable of being romantic in his Eric way.
When it comes to the Lisinskis and the 'cowboy', all I can say is wait 'til Jake gets to Buffalo! ;-) I'm glad to add you to the list of the Baron afficianados, too. I try to keep my original characters as secondary, at least most of the time, but I may have to make an exception for Baron. He's too cute, and you're right, it's fun to see the hints of what 'dad' Jake will be like.
I'm thrilled to hear that you enjoyed what I did with Black Jack, and I hope I can maintain through Heart of Winter. Thanks again for the review!
Okay been reading this without the desire to stop since I discovered it and I just want to say that I love the way you have woven the past and present into such a compelling alternate universe.
The story is well thought out and excellently written. I wasn't sure how I would like the story without the original charcter connections, but I really have fallen in love with this 'verse of Greens.
Thank you for sharing.
Sid
Thanks so much Sid! I'm glad that you can accept my changes to canon and hope that you can see them as supplemental to the show rather than clashing. It's gratifying to hear that you love my little universe. :-)
Oh, Marzee, I was so happy to see a new chapter posted! I have so many thoughts going through my mind, but I need to organize them. I'll be back tomorrow with a more detailed review. For now, though, just know that I really enjoyed your take on the events at Black Jack and seeing Heather take care of a sick Jake.
Thanks Sandra! I'm glad you enjoyed the DC trip to Black Jack, and thanks so much for your detailed email feedback. I truly appreciated that you would take the time to send that to me.
Another great installment. I really like the added detail and insight you provided in the scene at the railroad tracks and later when the men return to Jericho. I also think that your integration of the Mike and Mindy in these scenes is seamlessly done, it's like they were always part of the story.
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They drove until they crossed the border and were back in Kansas, more than two hours after they'd escaped the fairgrounds by the skin of their teeth. Russell didn't seem interested in stopping - and his truck would have taken the brunt of the damage - and Jake sure as hell wasn't either. So they kept going. It was dark by the time they pulled off the highway somewhere outside Oberlin, Russell finally stopping near an abandoned rail spur. They climbed out of the vehicles, limbs shaking with the pent up tension of the past few hours, and found themselves in the hulking shadows of a pair of dead locomotives, a number of looted boxcars, and most oddly a rotary snowplow despite the fact that the bombs had gone off in September.
I really like the time you spent on detailing the scene at the railroad tracks that we saw on the show and the additional description on the characters. I think it was very effective in setting up this part of your story and also served as a sign of things to come.
I do like how we got to know Mindy in this part. The story about how she sold Johnston fifty dollars worth of Girl Scout Cookies and the attendance of Mags, Colleen and Mindy to Jake's wedding provided some relief to an otherwise serious story. It also made me think again of how friends and neighbors can be torn apart because of war. I can certainly understand her logic as to why she doesn't want to come back to Jericho because her life is in New Bern now. I'm very interested in seeing what part she plays in upcoming chapters of your story.
Not only did I like the detail that went into the story about Costco but I liked the analogy you drew between the incident at Costco and Murthy's Oil. I think the experiences would be similar in towns across the country and I liked how this highlighted it.
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"Sheriff Constantino got his card out of his wallet and threw it down on the table. 'Sell her the damn medicine,' that's what he said," she chuckled humorlessly. "And, that's when I knew. I couldn't hide behind company policy, and who cared anyway?
This made me see Constantino in a different light until I read ....
Quote:
But then Sheriff Constantino called him an idiot and told him he was fired, and then he said I was hired. He was the one with the gun, so that pretty much put him in charge, right?"
Jake nodded, his lips pursed. "Yeah, that's how it usually works."
Not only do I like the commentary here, it makes me change my mind about seeing Constantino in a different light. It makes me think that maybe he had an ulterior motive - to inspire loyalty from the people of New Bern - for getting the manager of Costco to sell the girl the medicine for her baby.
Poor, miserable Jake. He's such a needy patient but I think he rather enjoys Heather waiting on him. I do like Heather rushed over to the ranch to take care of him it just goes to show how much she cares for him.
I just love Gramps in this chapter. I think there's nothing more Gramps wants then to see Jake settle down with Heather. The fact that he thinks that she is good for her grandson is very evident in your story. I just love the story that Gramps told Heather about Susie when she was sick and insisted on him reading her 'The Color Kittens'. It was such a poignant story and the fact the Gramps told Heather, I think, spoke to how much he likes and respects her. I also liked the insight into Heather's thoughts - about her relationship with Jake - after Gramps told her the story.
I really liked the scene at the Greens when they held the open house. I could imagine being there. I could just imagine Bonnie, Skylar and Bonnie rounding up the children to slide down the stairs on the sleeping bag. And it was just like Skylar to deny that she had any part in the plot. The story about how Stanley dragged Heather over the mistletoe and made a big show about kissing her and Jake's glowering was just so funny. The whole scene was very enjoyable.
I liked how you provided a very plausible explanation as to why Jake tried to drive through the gate when he knew the car wouldn't fit. I found it very believable.
I really like how you wrote Dale and Skylar. They are showing some real growth. The fact that Skylar can empathize with Dale and recognizes that what happened wasn't fair to Dale especially shows some growth. They have both have become wiser but I think they still have a way to go as they muddle through trying to make sense of all that has happened.
I am very much looking forward to the next chapter!
Thanks for your review, Skyrose! Sorry for taking so long to respond.
I'm glad that you think Mindy and Mike fit into Black Jack reasonably well. I did wonder if I should eliminate Mike from New Bern completely, but it would have been too confusing to have two Mikes, and besides I wanted to keep the parties the same size. I'm glad it works. As for Mindy, don't worry, we haven't seen the last of her.
As for Constantino, don't get too comfortable about him. I don't see any rehabilitation in his future, but there had to be a reasion for Mindy to work with him and in fact become one of his trusted lieutenants. We will be seeing more of Constantino, too, I promise.
Jake is miserable, but I also agree that he enjoys being babied when it's Heather doing the babying. She likes taking care of him too. :-) Gramps is rather partisan, isn't he? He wants what is best for his gransdon is all, and he agrees wholeheartedly with those of us who think that's Heather. I'm glad, too, that you enjoyed hearing more about poor Susie Green. There's a definite hole in Gramps heart still where he still misses his daughter. I've no doubt that after that conversation Heather found a copy of "The Color Kittens" so don't be surprised if she's reading it to B.G. in a few years. :-)
Lastly, thanks for letting me know that you found my foray into Dale/Skylar interesting. I find them to be intriguing, so much like trying to explain Eric and April, I can't help but indulge in a little Dale/Skylar occasionally.
Thanks again for taking the time to review!
Marzee,
This chapter had so many wonderful details, and you used them so well to develop the characters and their world. I think I learned something interesting about almost every character who appeared here, so I think I'll mention what I liked about each one of them.
Johnston- As you usual, you write Johnston so perfectly in character. I laughed upon hearing that he once bought fifty dollars worth of cookies from Mindy (which maybe says more about her character than his), and it was so sweet and very much like him to try to make sure another 'family' member of his was safe and well cared for.
Mindy- I really liked the way you developed her further in this chapter, as we got to see more of the person she's become since we saw the younger version of her at the Pizza Garden. Her story was very intriguing, and it even made me see Constantino in a different light. I like the idea that she's in a position of power in New Bern, and the conviction she has that it is her duty to help take care of the people there. It'll be really interesting to see where you go with this in the future. The story of where Colleen ended up made me sad, though I suppose it was good at least that she survived. I liked the relationship we see here between Mindy and Jake. Interesting to see how it will be with the Greens having such a close friend in New Bern.
Russell- I'm intrigued by his actions, which always seem to be a little bit in the background, so they leave me wondering. To whom is he most loyal? How much power does he have, and how is he going to use it? What are his real motivations? I wonder, also, where you will take him in the future.
Gramps- You always do such a wonderful job writing this character. In this part, I chuckled at his gloating over his flu shot, and I admired his way of putting people in any situation at ease, inviting Heather in and sharing some of his memories with her. His memory of reading about kittens to little Susie was so poignant. Really nicely done!
Though I tried to organize this by character, I'm going to group together everyone at the Greens' open house. I laughed so hard at the image of Bonnie and Dale tobogganing down the stairs on a sleeping bag. For some reason, I can just see them doing this! Funnier still that Jake is assumed to be the inspiration behind this adventure. Also making me laugh- Stanley's discovery of the mistletoe hiding spot and subsequent entrapping of Heather. I thought it was very funny, but also just a little sad when I realized Stanley was most likely alone at this Christmas party, without anyone to trap him under the mistletoe. The entire open house scene was very entertaining.
Jake- it was funny to see the contrast from sick Jake in the past, allowing himself to be waited on, and the more take-charge Jake of the present, so much more grown up in some ways. I feel for him- it's not fun getting the flu and having others saying 'I told you to get a shot', but then, he is a rather needy patient so I can't really blame them. And, I think he rather enjoys being waited on by Heather, so I guess it evens out in the end.
Heather- I liked her scenes with Jake here (especially the lines she turns on him) but I really liked her scenes with Gramps. You write such a sweet, natural relationship between them.
Dale and Skylar- I think we learned interesting things about both their characters here, so they could each have had their own paragraph, but I really loved the development of their relationship in this part. I think the contrasts in them are so interesting. The contrasts between their younger selves in the previous chapter and the sadder and wiser teenagers we meet here, and the contrasts in their characters- they are both so young and still trying to figure out all the new things they are experiencing, but also, they're older than their years, dealing with these difficult and dangerous new times, and having to come up with their own conclusions. I liked the insight into Dale and how he's progressed to this moment in time. It was really heartbreaking, thinking of how unwanted and powerless he felt in the past, and it's really understandable that this lead to his resolve now that he won't be put in such a position again. I also liked the self-reflection Skylar does here. She's become more self aware, I think, and is more willing to honestly look at her own behaviour in relation to others. I loved how each reaches out to the other in this scene: Skylar being brave enough to broach a touchy subject with Dale, and sensitive enough to do it right. Dale being thoughtful enough to get the one simple gift that will make Skylar happy. Nicely done!
I enjoyed this chapter, and look forward to the next!
Ahhh, Penny :-) You can tell me you like my characters any time you want! I enjoy writing the entirety of this story, but it's the characters followed by the details that I really love writing, so thank you for noticing. Just a few things. First, I think buying $50 worth of Girl Scout cookies probably says a little bit about both Johnston and Mindy, though I will admit that I think Johnston's a closet softie. I'm glad you like Mindy and I promise we will follow up with her eventually - and Colleen even more eventually (many, many, many chapters from now). Russell is an enigma, but I think you're asking the right questions. At least they're the same questions I ask myself! :-) I enjoy writing Gramps, and Gramps with Heather (as well and Gramps with Gail) and while my Gramps isn't exactly the EJ we saw on TV, I do think he's the grandfather I didn't have and always wanted. Gramps still has a lot to say coming up, so keep watching. I'm glad you enjoyed the open house, and I am sorry to confirm that, yes, Stanley's only "date" for the evening was his sister -- unless you count his 10 second lip lock with Heather as a "date". ;-) Obviously it takes a special woman to appreciate Stanley, and way back when he wasn't quite successful in that department. Poor Jake, LOL. He's enjoying the fussing and caretaking of nurse Heather though, so I think he will be all right. I think Heather's enjoying the chance to take care of him too! And, lastly, I'm glad you appreciated my small foray into the land of Dale and Skylar. I sometimes can't resist the urge to branch out into other characters, and I do find Dale's development to be fascinating. His attitude and outlook later in the series really bothered me at times so I've been trying to work through it and explain to myself. It was also interesting to think about how Skylar grew over time. So, thanks for commenting on all of that.
Author's Response:
This was a great chapter. The thing that stands out the most for me is how you used little bits of humor to alleviate the seriousness of the goings on at Black Jack. You really built on the Black Jack scenes in such a way that made it seem more real . . . more ominous to me. I especially liked the little reminders of how Black Jack used to be a family place by telling us that Russell's contact for specialty items operated at the place where they brought lost children and by describing the marquee advertising corn dogs, cotton candy and funnel cakes.
I like how Mindy provides a link between Jericho and New Bern and am curious to see if (or what) part she'll play in upcoming chapters. I enjoyed getting to know Mindy through your little snippets about the Macarena (and the other dances) at Jake's wedding and Dale and the super soaker. I like the interactions between Jake and Mindy and how he seems to be a big brother to her.
Great foreshadowing here:
"Through there," Ted said pointing them onto a wider path. "Now, I would've figured Jericho's set for food," he challenged, "All that good farmland around town."
There was a resentful note in Ted's voice that made the hair on the back of Jake's neck stand on end and put him immediately on guard. "It's not easy anywhere these days," he answered brusquely. "And that includes Jericho."
Probably the most poignant scene at Black Jack was when Dale was looking in the back room with the metal bunks, recalling a happy memory about the time he spent at a church camp and his subsequent realization of what was room was really being used for.
I have to say that my favorite part of this chapter was the five years before scene. I thought you captured the ambience of a school holiday performance perfectly. The things that stood out for me in this scene were:
The scene between Heather and Gail I think showed how much their relationship had grown over the last five years. Gail, I think, is right Heather is trying to do too much and does need to have her priorities. On the other hand, I understand Heather's need to do whatever she can and her annoyance with Gail. I think it's just like her to have the children she once taught on her mind. I glad that in the end Gail understood where Heather was coming in and softened her approach to get her point across. I also liked how Heather got her point across about Emily to Gail.
Thanks, Skyrose!
I'm glad that you find Mindy interesting and (I hope) a good addition to the Jericho universe. So far she's appeared in Parts 4, 8 and 12 of the Different Circumstances universe. To keep the pattern going, I guess I can't bring her back until Part 16! But I don't know that I'm going to wait that long. ;-) Suffice to say, she will be back and she has her share of story to add.
As for Constantino, well you will just haveto stay tuned. He's basially the same guy we know from the TV series but I think he has an additional layer or two that we'll be hearing about. He had to have done something that looked good to get everyone following him until they were too scared not to.
I'm also gratified to know that the contrast between Dale's memory of camp and the true purpose of the backroom at Black Jack was so poignant. Sometimes I just think we see something bad and it takes us a moment to realize the horror we're looking at. I usually end up thinking (or saying) "Is that what I think it is?!?" It was that sort of moment I was going with for Dale. He knew what those mattresses were supposed to be used for, and it took just a few seconds to comprehend what was really going on.
Finally, I'm glad you enjoyed the school play. It was fun to write, and I need those fun, kind of "innocent" scenes of the past to write so that it balances out some of the bad stuff happening in the present.
Ah, but I do love this story, Marzee! I always have so many thoughts that run through my head when I read one of your chapters.
"But since then, Constantino's managed to take control of things," Russell explained, continuing the tag-team effort. "Crime really isn't a problem for us anymore."
This is, I think, a very striking sentence. On the outset, it makes it seem as though New Bern has overcome enormous obstacles. Further examination, though, should make a person want to run for the hills where this place is concerned. Exactly how does one get rid of crime in the aftermath of what they've endured? Brute force.
Not bothering to acknowledge the other man, Jake moved toward his brother-in-law, slipping off his backpack as he went. Digging around inside the bag, he found the spiral notebook and extracted it, presenting it to Michael. "You think you can get this all down?"
"Guess so," Michael agreed, "You can't? Your hand broken all of a sudden?"
This made me laugh. Isn't it strange how characters will ask another character to do what they (supposedly) could easily do themselves? I loved Michael's response to Jake, and the explanation of the pain-staking handwriting requirements in Catholic school did go a long way to explain why Jake would push that job on his brother-in-law.
Speaking of this scene, I enjoyed getting more of a background into what was happening in the outside world. I didn't remember some of this from the show, so it definitely filled in the blank for me more.
Going to the five years ago scenes, I want Jake and Heather to have some together time so badly! I'm glad Jake was able to finesse his way back stage to see her. The cookie bribe Jake used with Bonnie had me laughing because I noticed that he didn't offer the peanut butter cookie as collateral. LOL. Jake and his peanut butter fettish!
I also liked the running gag with Eric, April, and the flowers. Reading those scenes with them in the past is so bittersweet, largely because they're happy. Yet at the same time, the slightest chinks in their armor are discernible. Or are those chinks discernible because I'm looking for them? I'm not sure, but what I do know is that those scenes make me feel very sad for what they've become.
Thank you so much for posting this chapter!
I'll just respond to a few things... :-)
Not bothering to acknowledge the other man, Jake moved toward his brother-in-law, slipping off his backpack as he went. Digging around inside the bag, he found the spiral notebook and extracted it, presenting it to Michael. "You think you can get this all down?"
"Guess so," Michael agreed, "You can't? Your hand broken all of a sudden?"
This made me laugh. Isn't it strange how characters will ask another character to do what they (supposedly) could easily do themselves? I loved Michael's response to Jake, and the explanation of the pain-staking handwriting requirements in Catholic school did go a long way to explain why Jake would push that job on his brother-in-law.
LOL. I could understand Jake getting Heather to take the notes at Black Jack -- she is the type to carry a notebook -- but I didn't think Mikey would do it without comment. I would have asked if Jake's hand was broken, too!
Speaking of this scene, I enjoyed getting more of a background into what was happening in the outside world. I didn't remember some of this from the show, so it definitely filled in the blank for me more.
Glad to be of assistance! Looking over all the news that was available, I know I didn't really "see" it all when I watched the show, and then when I thought about seeing news again for the first time in weeks and figured I'd be overwhelmed.
I also liked the running gag with Eric, April, and the flowers. Reading those scenes with them in the past is so bittersweet, largely because they're happy. Yet at the same time, the slightest chinks in their armor are discernible. Or are those chinks discernible because I'm looking for them? I'm not sure, but what I do know is that those scenes make me feel very sad for what they've become.
The flowers will be back, and there's more happy Eric and April coming. If I'm writing those chinks into the story here it's not completely intentional. I know it's coming, but I have to believe that they really were happy once, so that's how I write them. I actually still have hope for April and Eric, believe it or not, so only time will tell.
Love all of the details and banter! April and the roses, Gail & Heather and the What to Expect When You're Expecting, the grim reality of Blackjack. Great job all round!
Looking forward to more! Thanks for writing, Marzee!!
Thanks, merryann!
This was fun to write, the banter especially. As for the roses, I don't think we've heard the last of them. More soon. :-)
Great chapter, Marzee! It entertained and amused me, with all the sprinklings of humour and sweet moments between the characters, but it also reminded me of those scenes in the original Black Jack, which I watched with bated breath. You really captured that scene where the party from Jericho are surrounded at Black Jack.
Not only have you described the scenes I loved, but you've built onto them as well. I liked the picture you drew us of the fair grounds- details such as the fact that the 'off the books' dealer operates out of a place where they once brought lost children, or the fact that you can still see carnival treats advertised amidst the post-apocalyptic trading going on. I liked following Jake's train of thought as he took in the news for the first time. I guess these details were always there, but you've highlighted and drawn attention to them in an interesting way.
I liked the way the characters from the New Bern party are relating to the characters from Jericho in this part, setting up the relationships between them. It was really interesting seeing Mindy, a character known to all of our windmill-chasers, being reunited with them. I like the details we got- that she and Mikey got to know each other over the Macarena, and the story about Dale and his supersoaker made me laugh. It's interesting to see Ted in this context too- much more wary of these outsiders and not very friendly.
I liked the 'after the bombs' scenes, but I think, for this chapter, my favourite part had to be the 'before the bombs' Christmas Carol play scenes. You captured the atmosphere at a gradeschool holiday performance just perfectly. There were so many things I liked- here are a few:
-Eric and April as good natured audience members. I liked that they had gotten themselves into the spirit of the thing. Especially April. You write her with such a cheery, good sense of humour. I laughed at many of her lines, and at her envy of Heather's roses and near-blackmail (with the threat of calling Gail) she uses to convince Eric to get some for her. It was kind of bittersweet of course, knowing what I know about how that relationship will progress. I also liked the reminiscing back to Eric's theatre days. I always thought that was a funny little part of his character. (And laughed out loud picturing him in Once Upon a Mattress!)
-Bonnie as the mostly diligent assistant director. I could just picture her holding her clipboard, and I could imagine it would be hard for her to say no to Jake, especially when he brings cookies into the picture.
-Jake's attitude- going to every performance, showing Heather his support and encouragement, getting the all important closing-night boquet of roses, and resorting to bribery to see her during the intermission. I laughed through the entire scene of his backstage rule-breaking. He's such a rebel, bringing food backstage too! Of course, this is exactly how I imagine Jake would do the 'boyfriend of the director' thing.
-I liked meeting the Davis family here. More interesting additions to your town full of citizens. Already, I found myself wondering when we would see Clyde, Shannon, or Lindsay show up in the post-bombs scenes. I want to know what happens to them.
-I really, really liked the glimpse we got of the Stevens family here, seeing as we've always heard them mentioned, and yet, we've heard so little about them, really. Here, you give them each an interesting personality. I really enjoyed the moment between awkward little Dale and indulged little Skylar, almost being forced to spend time together. I liked that Miranda Stevens took a bit of an interest in Dale's well-being, showing a different side of her than we've seen (or really, heard about) other times, as well as her enthusiastic reaction to the overall success of the play, and Skylar's part. I also liked the information we got here about Mr. Stevens, and the mention of his friendship with Gray.
The scene between Heather and Gail was sweet, and showed just how far their relationship has come in the intevening five years. Though, of course, I knew Gail was right and that Heather should take a break, I was glad to hear she hadn't forgotten about those children she'd once spent all her time teaching. She definitely shouldn't have to spearhead every project, but it's good that someone's remembered them, and hopefully Heather will be able to convince someone to take on the job.
As I mentioned earlier, I really liked the way you wrote the final scenes of this chapter. They had all the suspense of the ones I've come to know so well, but with your own additional layers you've added. The most interesting, I thought, was the part where Dale imagined his old summer camp, taking us right through a happy memory into the moment he realizes the true nature of that shady back room he stumbled across.
I look forward, as always, to the next part!
Thanks for your review, Penny! Much appreciated. :-)
I'm glad I did the Black Jack scenes justice, as it is a favorite episode of many, including me, and I'm also glad that Mindy is still interesting.
The school play was a lot of fun to write! I hadn't even thought about Jake the rebel/rule-breaker taking food backstage (okay, duh!) but you're absolutely right, he's doing the supportive boyfriend thing with his own little twist. I'm happy you enjoyed the near miss with Dale and Skylar, and am happy to report there's a present day Dale/Skylar scene coming up. Plus, the Davises will also be reappearing at some point, never fear.
I was so excited to see a new installment of Different Circumstances was posted. Yay! Thanks so much for the treat, Marzee.
My mind is jumping all over the place, so you'll have to forgive me if I do not articulate my thoughts in quite the way I would prefer.
As always, I loved the small touches that you include in this story. The opening with Gail and Heather preparing to launder the sheets as a means to get their minds off what their husbands would be doing struck me as very real. This is only one of many things that you do well. You can take the mundane--chores--and make it multilayered and interesting. Loved Gail's conversation with B.G. and the details of the stick figure drawings, accompanied by some very nifty, well-drawn drawings of planes.
The five years ago scenes were a treat, as always. Gramps and his vice and virtue squad crack me up. I really enjoy the romantic tension between Jake and Heather, so I'm happy for Gramps to prolong these moments of discovery between them by cutting their makeout sessions short. Sounds contradictory, I know, but I'm just loving the buildup between them. The goodbye on the porch just made me want to sigh. Loved it!
I gotta tell you that I was wondering how you would rewrite this episode without Heather going to Black Jack. I didn't even see your twist coming--that the role of assumed hooker was being played by Mindy and that it was Mindy who has the New Bern ties. With Heather being from Buffalo in DC, I thought this was very clever. Also, since Mindy is a character that we've seen several times and her friendship with Jake is well-established, I can't help but smile and say "Kudos to you!"
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I know I've said it before, but I like DC better than the actual show.
As always, I loved the small touches that you include in this story. The opening with Gail and Heather preparing to launder the sheets as a means to get their minds off what their husbands would be doing struck me as very real. This is only one of many things that you do well. You can take the mundane--chores--and make it multilayered and interesting. Loved Gail's conversation with B.G. and the details of the stick figure drawings, accompanied by some very nifty, well-drawn drawings of planes.
Thanks, Sandra! With Heather stuck home in Jericho, I didn't want to ignore her for the day and I also wondered what she'd be doing. Distracting herself and taking care of the necessary, boring and arduous chores seemed likely.
The five years ago scenes were a treat, as always. Gramps and his vice and virtue squad crack me up. I really enjoy the romantic tension between Jake and Heather, so I'm happy for Gramps to prolong these moments of discovery between them by cutting their makeout sessions short. Sounds contradictory, I know, but I'm just loving the buildup between them. The goodbye on the porch just made me want to sigh. Loved it!
:-) I'm glad you love the build-up between Heather and Jake, 'cause I don't think they do! I must admit that Gramps' vice and virtue squad will be on patrol for awhile longer before any tensions are relieved....
Thanks for reviewing!
What an interesting chapter! I know things have been diverging on their own path for your entire story, but I get the feeling we're really in for some major twists in the plot now.
Here's my list of my favourite things:
-Gail talking to her grandkid. It's so cute, and so Gail. It really shows how involved she will be with her grandchildren (and how involved she is with all of her family, of course). I had to laugh too, upon hearing about Jake and his conversations with his unborn child.
-Gramps' usual meddling. He always makes laugh. I think what I like most about his 'Vice and Virtue squad' routine is the sort of irony about it- that he's playing the disapproving patriarch. I love the joking way he does it, the fun he seems to get out of making Jake and Heather squirm, and though they know it's all kind of a game, it still rattles them. I really laughed at this:
They heard Grandpa's familiar stomp on the stairs as soon as their lips met, and broke apart, both groaning. "Warning number two," Jake muttered.
"Yeah," Heather sighed, offering him a regretful smile. "Wanna beat him to the punch?" she asked.
Nodding, Jake folded their hands together and, after waiting for Heather to grab her purse off the dresser, he led her to the door, opening it just in time to interrupt his grandfather's initial knock. "Hey, Gramps," he greeted, "Need somethin'?"
"Just returnin' your shoes," Grandpa declared, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he looked Jake and Heather over. "Here," he muttered, shoving Jake's running shoes into his arms.
-The descriptions of the Christmas Carol play! Well, you know how much I love that story. I really enjoyed reading about the behind-the-scenes dynamic of a school play (speaking from experience, I think you've nailed it). I loved this:
She took a bite of her ice cream, savoring it. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Jake grinning at her and she threw him a questioning look, but he just shook his head. "Anyway, Bonnie's been a great assistant, and Dale's been a little nervous, though he seems to be getting past it. He'll be fine as our Ghost of Christmas Past. But, oh," Heather remembered with a groan, "Skylar Stevens is the Ghost of Christmas Present. She's actually pretty good in the role, but -" she broke off, rolling her eyes.
"She's just a little bit of a brat?" Gail supplied, her expression sympathetic. "Or perhaps I should say overindulged," she corrected herself, handing Grandpa his ice cream. "I consider Miranda a friend of sorts - she volunteers at the food bank with me and she's helped out at Harvest Festival, plus now she's on the school board - but I don't think she or Hugh have ever said no to that child," Gail clucked.
Heather let out a sigh. "Overindulged is a very good word for it," she agreed. "And I like Mrs. Stevens - I do - but...." She stopped, frowning gently. "Well, I probably shouldn't tell you this but, all week Mrs. Stevens has been ... not exactly complaining, but I have heard her say to some of the other parents that 'it seems so ghoulish' for Skylar to be playing the Ghost of Christmas Present. And, I really don't think she gets why that's funny," Heather explained, cringing softly.
A really funny exchange, but also a nice little detail about Skylar, I think. She does seem like she would have been good in a school play when she was a kid. (Incidentally, Christmas Present is one of my favourite characters! He, or in this case, she, has some of my favourite lines. Too bad her mom missed the boat on that one)
-The contrast between the warm fuzzy scenes of Gail bonding with her grandchild and Gramps getting beaten at his own game with the sad, gritty realities at Black Jack. You captured the atmosphere there very well- it's sad and bleak, but also a little sad to see how guarded and uninvolved Michael has had to become in this new world. At least, that's what I thought was illustrated in this scene:
It had surprised him even more when his brother-in-law had answered for them both, brusquely assuring the scantily clad and shivering teenager who'd offered them a half hour, individually or together, that they weren't interested in catching what she had, before dragging the startled Jake off by the arm.
I probably think this especially as I remember the young Mikey sitting on the floor amidst older siblings and kids, but also, I think he tends to present a more optimistic face to his family (I'm guessing to try and help them cope) so it's interesting to see a slightly different side of him here. The survivor.
-The New Bern twist! I was wondering how you would do this, and I think you made a really interesting and intriguing choice! I like how the scene is reversed here. It's Jake's long lost friend he meets at Black Jack, and she's the one romantically linked to Ted! I didn't see it coming. I also have to say how much I liked that you still included a woman going to Black Jack- one of my favourite aspects of that original episode, since before that it was always only men going out and getting things done while the women stayed inside, or away from the action. And you included a female character we've already met, so we already care/are invested in her. Really brilliant idea!
I'm left wondering what will happen next, and excited to read the next chapter!
Thanks, Penny! It's great to hear what parts you liked, and why, so thanks for taking the time. I am especially gratified to hear that my school play discussion (based on 20 year old memories) rings true. There's more school play coming in the next part as you will get to attend a performance, though only during intermission. (Jake can do so much more during intermission after all!) As you also know, I love writing the happily meddling Greens, especially Gramps. :-) The contrast between the warm fuzzy scenes of Gail bonding with her grandchild and Gramps getting beaten at his own game with the sad, gritty realities at Black Jack. You captured the atmosphere there very well- it's sad and bleak, but also a little sad to see how guarded and uninvolved Michael has had to become in this new world. At least, that's what I thought was illustrated in this scene: It had surprised him even more when his brother-in-law had answered for them both, brusquely assuring the scantily clad and shivering teenager who'd offered them a half hour, individually or together, that they weren't interested in catching what she had, before dragging the startled Jake off by the arm. I probably think this especially as I remember the young Mikey sitting on the floor amidst older siblings and kids, but also, I think he tends to present a more optimistic face to his family (I'm guessing to try and help them cope) so it's interesting to see a slightly different side of him here. The survivor. This is exactly the feeling I was trying to invoke with Mikey at Black Jack, suddenly seeming to get more of what's going on than Jake. Let's hope that he can once again be that playful, "everybody's favorite" uncle at some (near) point in the future. And, I will say it again.... I'm glad my Mindy twist isn't going over like a lead balloon!
Wonderful chapter, Marzee! :) Was absolutely thrilled to see a new chapter posted just when I returned from vacation!
I love that Jake left the note for Heather to find. It was so sweet and just so Jake. I loved the mushy scene in Jake's room from five years prior. Especially loved that Jake opened the door before Gramps did.
I love that you brought Mindy back into the story and had her fill the role of the one originally filled by Heather at BlackJack. I knew there had to be a reason you spent so much time focusing on Mindy's relationship with Jake all those chapters ago when you introduced us to her.
Great chapter. Looking forward to the next one!
Shades, Glad my timing is good! I should have the next part posted very soon, so keep an eye out. I just couldn't let Gramps get the set of Jake… but then again, I couldn't let Gramps be totally foiled. (That's why I gave him the cover of the returned shoes.) :-) As for Mindy, I have to admit that I didn't know she would get to take Heather's place at Black Jack when I introduced her. What I did know was that she didn't live in Jericho anymore, and I wondered where she was because I did want to know how she was doing. Then it hit me that she could very well be in New Bern and she could very well run into Jake at Black Jack. 2 birds, one stone. ;-) Thank you for taking the time to review!
Author's Response:
wow this installment made my day when i saw that you had posted it here! I loved this episode, epecially when jake leaves the note for Heather to find underneath the pillow, it was just so cute and so Jake.
I love how you put Mindy back in the story with the Blackjack scene, i loved her in the five years before the bomb segiments and i'm so glad that you could bring her back in this part.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this episode will go, and can't wait to see how the windmills get made...and i'm really just excited for more cute Heather/Jake moments in the five years before segments.
Can't wait for your next installment
Julia
Thanks, Julia! I think all your questions will be answered soon. (Except, maybe how the rest of the episode will go… it's grown into 6 parts, the first time I will have a Part F in this series.) I'm happy to hear that you're glad to see Mindy back. She's a lot of fun to write, especially when she gets to play Jake's pseudo little sister. Of course, she's also (I hope) Heather-like in her competencies – not Superwoman, but definitely smart and capable. As for the Jake/Heather moments, those are my favorite parts to write, so you know that you can count on having lots of them. :-) Thank you for reviewing!
Another great one. Good work!
Thanks, Doozie!
I loved the name Heather gave Jake's car...it suits him. I cracked up so hard after reading Johnston say "It's just a shopping trip, sweetie." and yeah, I'm still laughing. You know I adore this story!
Thanks, Joise! Couldn't help myself, as soon as the car's name occurred to me there was no other possibility. I've kept it secret for months, and I'm glad to finally get it out. :-D
Wow, Emily just doesn't give up does she? Loved Jake's reaction to Heather wanting to come along...why do I have the feeling she'll be tagging along anyways...
Emily is Emily, what else can I say? Thanks for reviewing, Joise! :-)
Very good and great attention to detail, as usual!
I just love the note that Jake put under the pillow for Heather to find. The fact that Jake could draw a perfect Cessna but then only draw stick figures of himself, Heather and B.G. was not only amusing but not surprising. I liked the description of how Heather and Gail could tell which stick figure was the baby because it was half the size of the others and had a bonnet, rattle and diaper. So cute! I did really like the story of how the note that Jake left under the pillow was reminiscent of other drawings that had shown up on Grandpa Green's fax machine over the years. My favorite part of the scene was Gail talking to B.G. and how chose this spot to tell us that Jake talks to the baby about what seems to be everything and anything.
I like Gramps as the one man ‘vice and virtue squad'. I do have to say he is very good at it. I definitely enjoyed all the mush in this part of the chapter. My favorite in this part was Heather's realization that Jake had a sentimental streak when she noticed the pictures on his dresser along with the smoothed out napkin with the doodles on it. I thought it was great how Jake opened the door just has Gramps was starting to knock on it.
In Black Jack, I thought Jake's split second surprise at being propositioned was telling on how just how much their world has changed. I thought that Jake's thoughts about how the drug and sex trade went hand in hand emphasized this point. Jake being more surprised that Michael had answered for them both I thought was very telling of how much Michael has changed since the bombs went off. I like the contrast you provided in what the buildings were once used for before the bombs and what purposes they serve now. I really felt bad for those two women being escorted by the three stone-faced men and found it a little ominous that there was simply nothing that Michael or Jake could say. I do have to say I really like how you substituted Mindy for Heather in this scene. I'm looking forward to learning more about Mindy.
I like the conversation between Gail, Jake, Gramps and Heather around the table while Jake was eating his chili. Gail's raised eyebrow when Jake said he knew exactly what cereal was in Heather's cupboard and Heather not being sure what to make of her expression made me think that Gail doesn't quite yet feel comfortable with Gail. The little conversation on the casting of Heather's Christmas play just made me laugh. I also laughed when Heather told Gramps that Jake thought he was trying to steal Heather away from him and at Gramps acknowledgment that he was. I just all the detail you provided on the cast and why they were chosen and I liked the fact that the cast included children that really didn't fit the picture what you would picture the characters to look like. My favorite part of this whole scene was when Jake and Heather were on the porch. I just loved Jake's comment about the kiss being practice, Heather's reply that it better be good and then Jake saying it wasn't all on him to make it a great kiss and that he expected some participation from Heather. I really liked all the mush in this scene and certainly wasn't surprised when it was Gramps who found them. I really like how Gramps calls it canoodling.
The last scene in Black Jack, I thought, really highlighted the underlying tension New Bern has toward Jericho. Russell does appear to be very close mouthed on what's going in New Bern in a way that has me suspicious. I like the attention you paid to detail in this part. My favorite bit of detail was how they had to ‘move out of the ‘store', wending their way through a maze of PVC pipe barriers that looked like over-sized sawhorses constructed out of white twigs'. From what I assume is Mindy's personality I think that she and Ted are complete opposites and I wonder if their relationship will survive all that is going to happen. I do like the little story of how Mindy used to torture Jake. I really like how you intersperse these little stories about the characters that help the reader get to know them better. I like the story about what happened to Mags and Colleen. It helped to understand why Mindy made a new life for herself in New Bern. The close mouthed Russell has me thinking that he knows a lot more about what's going on in New Bern then Mindy and Ted. I can't help but wonder what kind of a hold New Bern has over him.
I'm looking forward to your next installment!
Thanks for all your feedback! I'll just respond to a few things...
In Black Jack, I thought Jake's split second surprise at being propositioned was telling on how just how much their world has changed. I thought that Jake's thoughts about how the drug and sex trade went hand in hand emphasized this point. Jake being more surprised that Michael had answered for them both I thought was very telling of how much Michael has changed since the bombs went off. I like the contrast you provided in what the buildings were once used for before the bombs and what purposes they serve now.
Michael is definitely wise to the world these days. I rather miss the happy-go-lucky baby brother, so we'll see if he lets me give him some of that feeling back over time. And thanks for commenting on the transformed fairgrounds, it's something I really had to think about, and I hope it all rang true.
I do have to say I really like how you substituted Mindy for Heather in this scene. I'm looking forward to learning more about Mindy.
The last scene in Black Jack, I thought, really highlighted the underlying tension New Bern has toward Jericho. Russell does appear to be very close mouthed on what's going in New Bern in a way that has me suspicious. From what I assume is Mindy's personality I think that she and Ted are complete opposites and I wonder if their relationship will survive all that is going to happen. I do like the little story of how Mindy used to torture Jake. I really like how you intersperse these little stories about the characters that help the reader get to know them better. I like the story about what happened to Mags and Colleen. It helped to understand why Mindy made a new life for herself in New Bern. The close mouthed Russell has me thinking that he knows a lot more about what's going on in New Bern then Mindy and Ted. I can't help but wonder what kind of a hold New Bern has over him.
I have been working for awhile on how to get all my minor characters into both timelines, if only for a moment, so I was glad to realize that Mindy could be in New Bern. It opens up all kinds of possibilities for me, and it will be interesting to see which ones win! As for our other friends from New Bern... they're quite interesting to explore. ;-) Mindy is a little more driven than Ted, but then again, opposites do attract. As for Russell, the possibilities are endless, I'd say! (How's that for leaving you in suspense?)
Thank you so much for taking the time to review, and for your help on the earlier drafts.